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Monday, November 1, 2010

ONLINE ROMANCE..…. Is Facebook making your marriage vulnerable?

The good old game of cheating on a spouse has gone digital – all thanks to Facebook, the globally successful social networking site that even presidential candidates and other politicos are exploiting to sell their message.

To get into the game all you need is the name of an ex-lover, whether an old flame of first love. You simply log on to Facbook, click the right buttons, and voila! you get reconnected to an old flame..

Say a simple hello and the deeply buried come flooding back and gushing out. You need no love letters and the agony of the long process of waiting for the reply. With the new improved method of cheating, it is instant, cheaper and the parners in the affair can communicate at any hour, day or night, and right from home with your unsuspecting spouse even sitting beside you.

Interestingly the Blackberry and other smartphones make it so convenient with instant messages and chat rooms. In other words, you are in a world of your own. As the thrills set in, and fuelled by secrecy, memories of the break are erased and both parties, clearly forgetting that they might eventually get their fingers burnt ‘drown’ themselves in the ocean of passion.

The result is that what began as a simple reunion on Facebook eventually leads to broken marital vows, leaving devastated spouses and angry children. Such was the case of Irene (not real name) who discovered what she called her husband’s Facebook betrayal. “Last July 2009, I discovered my husband had been chatting online through Facebook with a former high school friend who was a single woman. I stumbled on some emails which were very upsetting.

When I approached him about them he admitted he was emotionally involved with her. He even said that our marriage was in trouble. It was a complete shock to me,” Irene said, making a great effort to conceal her pain.
Olufemi Oluwole, who regularly spends time on Facebook opined that some spouses really feel insecure when their partner gets addicted to Facebook.

“I have read articles on the effect of Facebook on relationships and I know that it is true most husbands get jealous when they see their wives hooked on Facebook, chatting with old mates, former boyfriends and what have you. Also many wives feel bad too when they see their husbands get closer to their old flames through Facebook. They pry into one another’s inbox and sometimes they just leave a message on their status update that states, now single, now divorced etc.

However, Yetunde Onipede who works with an NGO holds a different view: “Facebook doesn’t break homes but some married people don’t know their boundaries. Because they are not physically seeing that person, they believe they can flirt, but that in most cases gets them into trouble with their spouse. You know they start off with some leading question and instead of the party to put a stop the person keeps playing with fire and one thing leads to another.”

Interestingly, what started off as ‘innocent’ online flirting has been known to eventually lead both parties to schedule a tryst in a hotel. People and particularly puritanists that may be tempted to blame Facebook for broken marriages need to honestly ask themselves whether the social networking site induced the user to making clicking efforts until he/she found the ex-lover. The site certainly didn’t ignite the flirty conversation, neither did it give the location address or pass on phone contacts and for that matter, it also didn’t pay the hotel bills. Humans without discipline and consideration for the feelings of the spouse did it all.

According to psychologists, what Facebook simply does to an adult is described as teenage denial. Incidentally, Facebook started off with young people who are more vulnerable to cheat and when they are into relationship they relapse into an obsessive long lost relationship from the past. The psychologists insist that rekindled romances on social networking sites are mere fantasies and usually recommend that they “move on or find out what is wrong in their marriage.”

A recent study shows that one-in-five divorce fillings in New York, USA cite problems relating to Facebook and other social networking sites. Facts are also emerging that Facebook affairs are even threatening healthy couples too. However, not all Facebook affairs lead to the sheets, especially if you have a very sensitive and caring spouse who takes notice easily. But cheating emotionally could be somewhat terrible too. When you start sharing your thoughts with another woman or man as the case may be, then there is so much trouble ahead. Because cheating emotionally could be a lot worse than the physical aspect.

Another Facebook victim, Kelly suspected her relationship was threatened. “He was suddenly working late, going out with people I’d never heard of,” she said. So Kelly did a bit of Internet sleuthing with Google and discovered that her live-in lover had created a second Facebook account, which he hid from her. When Kelly confronted him about the account, he got very angry with her for “snooping around.”

Kelly said she did not have to confirm physical cheating to feel like she had been betrayed.
The painful truth is that online affairs could be tricky in the sense that there is no physical evidence to show that the other party is cheating, because he hardly lives home, and there is no whiff of the other woman’s perfume on him, no lipstick stains, no telltale signs except for the computer records.

One other person who had a bad Facebook experience was Abimbola, whose husband began spending more time that was appropriate on the internet. Wondering why, Abimbola said that she decided to find out.
“When I found out my husband was always busy on the net, I began wondering what kept him so glued to it. Then I decided to become an FBI agent and did some snooping. I found out that he was flirting with a divorcee on the net; I was told they met on a dating site and took on Facebook.

I decided to get my own revenge on him. So I changed my marital status on Facebook and joined a dating site with a provocative picture and a new name. I sent him a message to add me as a friend. He was dumbfounded and shocked. He came crawling back and this time with details of the confession. I guess he couldn’t handle the flirty conversation other guys were having with his wife,” Abimbola said with a smug smile of victory.


Photo of the day. Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon

haven't only been told I have a grammatical swagger by the youth but also that I am a fashion trendsetter. Hope you like my new picture

Yes we like it
Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon. The Nigerian Parliamentarian who speaks big big grammar. I'm sure you all know him

Some of his tweets when you continue:

There are a lot of questions to be answered fools to be castigated and calamities to be discussed. As soon as my assidous weeks are over

Ob Owie the people of Nigeria. I have been acutely bombarded with the force of immense task. I do it because I amour my country with my all.

To anyone who dare questions a Politician. The quagmires of Politics is no joke

A 16oz cup of Milo with an hint of condense milk should do the abaracadabra

Words to describe my day: Distressed, enervated, exasperated, brain fag, debility, enervation, ennui, fatigation, languor, lassitude

If she doesn't let you infiltrate her bom bom after that line, then she is hopeless with a hint of homosexuality

Of head scatters! Each sensor in my dome harmonizing to your embodiment with the tune, shege!

You are Gods masterpiece of sugar-coated palatableness that illuminates an essence of Cleopatra beauty that puts me in a state

lol...this man will not kill person. Follow him @HonPatrickO and laugh your ass out

Pic of pastor Kumuyi and his new wife. Explains why he re-married

Kumuyi and his 65year old new wife, Esther

General Superintendent of the Deeper Christian Life Ministry, Pastor William Kumuyi took a new wife last week in London. When the news broke, it sparked mixed reactions. While some felt it was in order, not a few wondered why the 71-year old cleric needed a new wife.

Dressed in a modest suit, Pastor William Kumuyi and Esther Blaize, clad in a pink and purple skirt suit, exchanged the marriage vow last Wednesday. Guests were later ushered into the Crowne Plaza Hotel, London for a reception ceremony. And just like that, the General Superintendent of the Deeper Christian Life Ministry got married for the second time. Two days ago, key leaders of the church across the country, who were not privileged to attend the modest ceremony, were made to watch the video of the proceedings.

Pastor Kumuyi lost his first wife, Biodun on April 11 last year. He took the news with calm. He even went on to handle the convention and shocked many by preaching at the funeral of his late wife.

At the time of her death, Kumuyi was 70 years old. When asked last year if he was going to take a new wife, he said it was too early to think of that. With his age, not a few also thought he might just stay unmarried for the rest of his life.

A statement by the church yesterday said Kumuyi’s decision to remarry was not entirely his. The statement endorsed on his behalf by the church’s Secretary, Pastor L Nnadozie said his marriage to Esther sparked joy and spontaneous happiness among members of the church.

The statement reads: “Pastor Kumuyi had lost his wife, Biodun in April last year. The death of the woman affectionately called ‘mummy’ or ‘mama’ by members of the church, became a cause for concern for leaders in the church as she was almost inseparable from her husband. The church leaders were so concerned that the pastor must not remain lonely, that they led a delegation to encourage him to begin praying to God to give him another wife. The leaders also began praying for their pastor to get another partner. Although initially reluctant, Pastor Kumuyi later prayed and testified to the leaders that God had answered their prayers. This is what culminated in the marriage ceremony in London.”

The statement revealed that the new wife, whose other names are Folashade Aduke, is the National and International Woman Co-odinator of the church. She is 65. And wait for this: she was never married, because, according to Nnadozie, she committed her life to the Lord.